The big plan

After the shock wore off and I could finally think straight, Trevor and I had numerous conversations about the wedding and children. Since he wanted them and I now was feeling oddly strange about the whole disappointment in my lack of uterine inhabitation, I came to the conclusion that maybe meeting him in the middle and having one wouldn't be horrible. After all whats the worst that can happen.....I give birth to the spawn of Satan, a little monster that destroys everything in sight, kills every cell of my being and makes me forget the women I was? Alright! Alright! I agree a bit dramatic to say the least!

But, hey I didn't want any and the best example I had were my brothers...two little terrors one that had my mom wrapped around his little finger and the other a little demon that tortured me even though I was nearly 6 years his senior. Can you believe that little jerk once launched a "glass", yes that's right a "glass' baby bottle at my head while a was napping peacefully on the sofa. He left me with such a large bump and bruise that my parents had to explain to the school what had happened for fear of child services showing up at our door, he was 3!!! Yes, these were great example of what children were right?! No!

I put that out of my mind I would be different I would have a perfect little boy! He would love to cook with mom but, play sports with dad! He would be well mannered and slightly misbehave at times allowing me to say "oh my he's terrible sometimes" while inside thinking I was the luckiest woman alive to have such an awesome child. He would be smart and do well in school and as he grew up we would take him camping and fishing and do great trips and one day he would be some one amazing! I'd be proud and then he would marry a wonderful woman and we would welcome her in to our family and I would have a daughter too! What! isn't that how it works?? I know! I know! Its not like that! If it was my husband would probably be a doctor and he would be married to the perfect woman! Trust me plenty of them exist! ;-p My mother in law would be the happiest women alive! Instead the poor women got stuck with me her P.I.T.A (pain in the ass). She never saw it coming! lol

However all that aside even if it did happen it would be a process a long process. After all I had been told that I would not get pregnant easily, if at all on my own with out medical intervention and so this wasn't going to happen in the blink of an eye and I had lots of time to adjust to the idea! I decided a full physical was in order and away I went to the local walk in. After all the blood work and tests came back I was given a clean bill of health and reminded that I would have to keep track of my temperature and a journal of sexual activity so that after 6 months to a year of trying they could send me to a specialist with proof that we actually tried and did not succeed in getting pregnant. This made me feel confident (insert sarcasm here) and a little weirded out that I'd have to tell a doctor how many times I had sex and when.

After a long discussion we decided that yes we would proceed but, we refused to be those people who stress out every month about whether or not they are pregnant and really refused to turn our selves into baby making machine where sex was this scheduled chore. Yes, like any woman I can be bossy (shhhhh! don't tell Trevor) but, I refused to be a drill Sargent shouting orders at Trevor about when he had to stick it to me because it was Baby Time! Sorry for the rather crude image, but often that's what it seemed like when I heard other couples talking about trying. We instead threw caution to the wind! I took my temp every morning wrote it down and carried on with my day. Then when Trev was home, something that didn't happen often as he worked out of town a lot, if the mood hit us we went for it! Sounds simple enough! In the mean time Trev and I planed the wedding and as we had no hope of getting pregnant naturally the plan was as fallows:

We would continue with this process with no success for the next year and a half. In the mean time we would get married and by that time we would have enough data to prove our inevitable failure at procuring a womb inhabitant and there fore the specialist appointments would start and hopefully by the time we were about a year into our marriage I'd be pregnant. Perfect right?! Oh and by the way we are not pessimists we are realists we knew or odds and refused to be delusional in believing that we would be an exception to the worlds increasing fertility problems. Now as you can probably tell by now I'm a planner so with this plan in hand I felt confident that we were on the right track.

A half a month into the "caution to wind"project and Trev had still not been home once but my mother had been out and had already brought me out a luggage bag full of little girls clothes that a friend of hers had given her after we thought I was pregnant in February. No pressure! right?! of course! Trevor finally came home for one weekend but between the craziness of family being out and all the things we had to catch up on for the wedding we were lucky we even got one night alone and off he was again gone for goodness knows how long. Well that was looking promising :(

For the fallowing week I was busy as work was so crazy I barely had time to do my evening acne treatment routine. I've suffered with acne since I was a teenager and unlike most women mine didn't up and vanished when I became an adult. Instead it stayed and at the rate I was going I was headed for the worst break out in years!!! On one especially busy night I didn't have time to make dinner, so tired and hungry I pulled some lasagna I had made and froze and microwaved it and then crawled onto the sofa turned on the t.v. and prepared to dig in. However as I brought the fork up to my mouth the smell of spinach and cheese that I looked so forward to all of a sudden seemed vile and made me gag. I tried to eat it but got maybe two fork fulls in before I realized that if I continued it would not end well.

To tired to care at this point I put down the food in the kitchen and went of to bed! the next morning I got up, felt great, showered, changed and as I was brushing my teeth looked up at the mirror with fear in my eyes at what a week of no cream on my face would look like......What the @&%*!!! Where was the acne? The face before me was a face with beautiful skin, all but cleared up and soft even though it had been so mistreated in the last week. I mean sure I had heard great myths of a land where girls put no effort into there faces but yet had wonderful skin I even had the pleasure of seeing some of these girls before, but I was not from said land. I was from a land where girls put hours every week into their skin and yet their skin resembled that of a gargoyles at best! Then  light blab literally went on over my head.....as I turned on the light to take a better look! ;-p All joking a side I did have an "Ah Ha!" moment and then it went away. Nah! I though, impossible! I went off to work and tried not to think about it, but as the next week progressed it became harder as my skin got even better and I did nothing on purpose now to put it to the test.

I decided to cave and do a test I still had one buried in the cabinet from February's fiasco so why not?! I will never forget it . It was Friday the 13 in June of 2008. I woke up and did the test. Then I went to grab breakfast and tried not to freak out about it, but who am I kidding I always freak out so half way down the stairs I turned around and went back up. I watched as the line slowly appeared and got darker and darker. By this tests standards I was pregnant. I called Trevor and told him he was excited but it was surreal and after our last experience we decided not to get to worked up until the medical tests came back positive too. That week I went to the doctor for more blood work by this point I was starting to empathise with a pin cushion! The regular doctor wasn't there so I saw the one working that day and I was assured that if the test came back positive I'd be called. I went home still feeling like it was impossible especially since he was only home once and the doctor had no hope of it happening. I mean sure we make superman jokes all the time where Trev is concerned but seriously whats the man packing....super sperm????

A couple of days later I got a call from the clinic, that they needed to talk to me and I knew! I walked in and it was the regular doctor. as soon as he saw me he started into a speech "I told you, you wouldn't get pregnant easily!" he said fallowed by " you can't come in every month to check if you are. You need to give it time...." He continued in this line for a bit finally since I was not saying anything back he asked "What are you here for?" then it was my turn "well doctor I was already here a few days ago and today your office called me in. They said they needed to see me about the results!" He was quiet and opened the file then said this "that's impossible! I mean you have only been trying a month!" I smiled this was my moment to metaphorically punch him where it hurt "That's right one month and in that month we only slept together once! What can I say the boy is clearly a high achiever!"